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PRIVACY – CAN I SUNBATHE NUDE IN THE GARDEN? |
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 Privacy was always one of my major concerns. I had this image in my mind that once the locals knew there was a ‘rich farang’ living in a house, I’d get every ‘palms-up merchant’ from miles around. The doorbell would get worn out from a steady stream of charity collectors and plain old opportunists. I am happy to report that it’s certainly not the case. You get the odd call from the Thai equivalent of the double glazing salesman – usually selling some kind of plastic new-fangled kitchen gizmo that doubles as a juicer and a cigarette lighter. Upon seeing a wild-eyed farang opening the front door, they usually take one of two courses of action. They’ll shout a half-assed sales pitch and run away. Or they’ll just run away. On the whole, you will be left in peace. |
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| Find a Good Handyman in Thailand is Essential! |
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 There comes a time when you might need trees chopping down, roofing tiles replaced and the air-con units overhauled. Enter the local handyman. With his battered old van, his ‘200 baht for 500’ Mahboonkrong perfumed business cards, and his penchant for writing down estimates on the back of a cigarette packet, he’s worth his weight in gold. If your landlord can’t recommend one (and they usually can) then find one! Ply him with copious amounts of beer Chang (after he’s finished the job), tell him you love Liverpool or Man U depending on what sticker he’s got on the back of his van – and make this guy your bestest friend. |
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Utility Bills |
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If there’s one great advantage of living in a house. It’s the fact that you are billed for water, electricity and phone directly from the utility companies. This alone can save you a fortune when compared to renting an apartment and paying their grossly inflated figures. I reckon my own saving to be well over 20,000 baht a year.
At the time of writing, a local phone call is three baht for as long as you like (think of that when you’re connected to the internet for 12 straight hours) and I’m not sure how much water and electricity are per unit, but I crank the air-con up for at least six hours a day and the bill is rarely over a thousand baht. As for water, I hose a sizeable front garden once, sometimes twice a day, and the bill is a paltry 120 baht a month.
Paying the bills however can be something of a pain. If you’ve got yourself organized and manage to pay by direct debit (and more power to you) well, no problems, but for most of us it means going into the nearest 7-11 or Paypoint center (located in shopping malls) and paying our bills there. These places add a ten baht service charge to each bill incidentally. A word of warning – you can pay any overdue bill at a 7-11 or Paypoint except an international phone bill. If your international phone bill pay-by date has expired, then you have to go to the relevant office. Don’t let that happen. These ‘offices’ can be very hard to find and sure to have a staff that can’t speak a word of English between them. |
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| The Three Types of Neighbor! |
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Thai neighbors are nothing like the ones that we’re used to in the west. Whereas in England or America they can often feel like part of the family, Thai neighbors keep themselves very much to themselves.
You can argue that it’s a fear of the foreigner and the inability to communicate but I’ve noticed that they don’t even talk to each other. We’ve already mentioned the ‘good neighbor’ who waters the garden in your absence, but as for the rest, they’ll fall into three distinct categories. 1) the invisible neighbor – usually an elderly woman who lives alone, totally inconspicuous save for the occasional twitch of a net curtain 2) Mr and Mrs Sawatdee Khap – the husband and wife couple who would so love to have you borrow their garden fork and offer you endless glasses of that green pop, but conversation and interaction never advance past the basic hello and cheery wave. And finally 3) the party animals – the group of students who drink, shout, walk around bare-chested, play music loudly and are walking adverts for euthanasia. Groups one and two I will tolerate quite happily, but the third group are hell to live next door to (as I found to my cost for six long months in 2002). If you are looking for a house to rent near a university, you may want to bear this in mind. |
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| Getting Connected |
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 You’ll certainly need to have a phone installed in your dream home and you might even fancy UBC TV. Getting a phone installed is a piece of cake if you’re on a Bangkok moobarn – don’t listen to the bar-stool experts. You simply go the telephone office (you’ll need help here from your Thai friend), tell them where you live and they’ll send the boys round usually within two weeks (even quicker if you can guarantee being at home on a weekday) While I was having my phone installed, they offered me unlimited extensions for about 200 baht a line. I decided on-the-spot to put an extra line in the bedroom and I’m very glad I did.
At the time of writing this, the full UBC package with Supersport, HBO, BBC news, etc is about 1,600 baht a month (quite pricey in my opinion) and installation is approx 3,500 baht. Again, service is fairly quick.
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